Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Chimio 4 - Chemo 4

This last AC chemo was one of the biggest challenges I've had to go through. I was used to the muscle pain, nauseas and tiredness I felt during AC chemo but knowing it was the last time I'll go through that mess was harder mentally. I felt a little bit nauseas the day after the chemo, but also cried in front of my mom and boyfriend because I didn't want them to take care of me. This is the biggest problem with me right now is accepting that I rely on others, while my entire life I've fought for what I've got and also was strong enough to go through hard times alone. I felt like a burden for them, and even though they say I am not, sometimes I feel its unfair for them to take care of me. When I was healthy, I was the one helping others, even stopping my car to help a blind man cross the street, but now I have to go to sleep early, cannot walk my dog that often, forget little details, and it sucks. In the other hand, the muscle pain is over, I don't have to get the Neulasta injections to boost my white blood cells, so I will not feel like I trained the day before and was hungover at the same time. Which is good!!!Now I still have 12 rounds of taxol chemo to go through and it seems long for me, but I already went through 2 months of chemo, 4 rounds of A/C chemo, I am almost over with chemo, and cancer. 

During my last chemo, I saw the nurse expert in the cooling cap, who I wanted to see eagerly the week before because I was still loosing hair. And she took my hair, and some was still in her hands, and she told me: 'If I haven't had hair in my hands, I would have told you to continue wearing the cooling cap, but I cannot". SHIT HAPPENS, I wished my legs, my armpits were hairless and not my head. Anyways I told her, no problem I kind of knew it, I was waiting for your feedback before going bald. And then she tolds me:"No, don't shave it all it will regrow even with this taxol chemo, and when it regrows it hurts, just like when you started loosing it". So the good point of this, my chemo will last only 1h30 instead of 3 hours lol and I still have my eyebrows so I look less "sick".

You know how life can do things sometimes, I still have hair on my legs and armpits but not on my head. I still have my periods, which increased my back pain, but I will have to wait for the doctor okay to be able to have kids. There's always a good aspect of hardships, and even if this week I

was angry at life, literally angry, asking why I had cancer when other young people abuse drugs and alcohol and they don't get sick, it will never give me my health back or heal me right away. There's a reason why I had cancer and why I self-examined myself, and why I insisted to be checked, and I might have find it. I was so discouraged after this chemo, that I didn't see the point of writing my blog, but then again people tell me how they love to read my experience with cancer and how they take their health more seriously, and I cannot forget that, maybe the point of all of this cancer its for me to raise awareness to young adults like me, when we think we are invincible and we overwork, overstress, and have unhealthy lifestyles.

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